*Sigh*
My cousin and his girlfriend are engaged. They are both wonderful people, and I love both of them. They are perfect for each other, and they make each other happy. I am very happy for them. But...I'm sooooo jealous.
Why am I jealous you might ask? Because I am alone. I have friends, some really good friends. I have a loving family. I have a good house that I like. I have a good job that is fun. But there is still something missing.
I know that everyone says you will find that someone. But sometimes I think they are lying. They want me to think that so I won't feel bad about myself. So that I won't sink down into the pit of self despair. And I hate to think that I would even come close to that.
I don't need a man to be happy. I don't have to get married and have kids to live a full life. I don't need to have wonderful mind blowing sex every night. (okay maybe I do need that one :)
But I want to. I am happy, and I will be with or without a man. Not to say that I never have my moments, then I'd be lying. But all in all, I do okay.
Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Do I say the wrong thing to people? Am I obnoxious? No fun to hang out with? No sense of adventure? Is my sense of humor not funny to other people? Do I talk about myself too much or not enough? Am I the wrong shape or size? Let me honest, do people think I'm ugly? (Good Lord, I should hope not.) Or am I just the kind of girl who is just a friend? Someone guys can talk to, but don't think about dating. I don't want to be that girl. I want to be someone people want to be around. I want to be funny and flirtatious, but not a slut. I want to be able to hold my own in a conversation, but not be arguing with someone. I want to be appreciated, and cherished, and loved.
Is that too much to ask? Am I supposed to be the one who is always single? I don't want that. *sigh*
But enough self pity. I don't need any more of that. I do that too much to myself already. If any of you out there think that you have a friend who is perfect for me, let me know! Get me out of my rut. Don't let me have any more self pity rants. Give me that kick in the ass I need. Sometimes we all need help. Some more than others :) giggle. Yes I am nuts. I never denied it! :)
Why am I jealous you might ask? Because I am alone. I have friends, some really good friends. I have a loving family. I have a good house that I like. I have a good job that is fun. But there is still something missing.
I know that everyone says you will find that someone. But sometimes I think they are lying. They want me to think that so I won't feel bad about myself. So that I won't sink down into the pit of self despair. And I hate to think that I would even come close to that.
I don't need a man to be happy. I don't have to get married and have kids to live a full life. I don't need to have wonderful mind blowing sex every night. (okay maybe I do need that one :)
But I want to. I am happy, and I will be with or without a man. Not to say that I never have my moments, then I'd be lying. But all in all, I do okay.
Sometimes I wonder if there is something wrong with me. Do I say the wrong thing to people? Am I obnoxious? No fun to hang out with? No sense of adventure? Is my sense of humor not funny to other people? Do I talk about myself too much or not enough? Am I the wrong shape or size? Let me honest, do people think I'm ugly? (Good Lord, I should hope not.) Or am I just the kind of girl who is just a friend? Someone guys can talk to, but don't think about dating. I don't want to be that girl. I want to be someone people want to be around. I want to be funny and flirtatious, but not a slut. I want to be able to hold my own in a conversation, but not be arguing with someone. I want to be appreciated, and cherished, and loved.
Is that too much to ask? Am I supposed to be the one who is always single? I don't want that. *sigh*
But enough self pity. I don't need any more of that. I do that too much to myself already. If any of you out there think that you have a friend who is perfect for me, let me know! Get me out of my rut. Don't let me have any more self pity rants. Give me that kick in the ass I need. Sometimes we all need help. Some more than others :) giggle. Yes I am nuts. I never denied it! :)
posted by Laura @ 9:30 AM
7 Comments:
At April 25, 2006 1:20 PM,
Anonymous said…
Hey! The questions your are asking yourself are the questions asked to themselves by the 90% of the people in the world in any part of their (our) lives. So do not worry: there is nothing wrong with you. And everyone is right: you'll find The Someone. For sure. It's just a matter of time.
At April 25, 2006 3:03 PM,
Laura said…
Thanks Franc. I suppose that everyone has this built in instinct to mate, and humans are supposed to mate for life right? I'm not talking physical stuff here, but the mental. That might not be the best way to put it, but I think thats still it somehow. I know there is someone out there for me. Sometimes I just need to be reminded and assured. Thanks again!
At April 25, 2006 9:49 PM,
Anthony said…
Laura;
Franc just stole the words out of my mouth. There's someone out there for everyone. I wouldn't worry about it personally.
;)
At April 25, 2006 10:56 PM,
life's a dream said…
I thought I would be sad and alone. Forever. I was wrong. Like they said before me, most people ask themselves that same question. You are beautiful Laura. You really are. And not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
Love doesn't have a timeline. It's one of those things you can't control. It just happens. Usually it blindsides you in some unexpecting moment. But it's going to happen.
I think we each have a soulmate. And you believe in God I know. You know he wants you to be happy. and he;s made that special person for you. and you know that he'll make it so that your paths cross.
Be happy with yourself. When you realize that you are wonderful, you are amazing, and that you don't need anybody, that's when I think we're ready to have that person enter our lives.
It's going to happen. I promise.
At April 26, 2006 8:48 AM,
Laura said…
I love my friends! Thank you so much guys! I know that there is someone out there for me. And I know God will bring him along sooner or later. Thanks for the mental kick in the ass! I needed it.
At April 26, 2006 11:16 PM,
Shantelle said…
Hey dont worry about it. I know exactly the way you feel, I feel the same way. I should have been married with atlest one kid by now. I hope it happens for me too.
At April 27, 2006 9:12 AM,
S* said…
I totally feel you. Sometimes I think they are lying to me too. I don't NEED a man (especially after consistently attracting the wrong men) and I'm absolutely not interested in finding one anytime soon. But it's true, there is no set timeline...you just have to let go, which is easier said than done. And no, there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
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