HOLY SHIT!!

So here I am again, finally. With a real update I promise!

Life is shitty. SHITTY! For the moment anyway.

Want to know why?

1. My room mate is drunk all the time, and has become verbally abusive. Scary. And when I say verbally abusive, I mean, screaming at me for who knows what. He spills, and it is my fault. He is crazy pissed off about everything, and calls me every name under the sun. The one I can't stand the most especially. Because he knows I can't stand it. And he is bad mouthing me to everyone he knows, and I have not done anything to him! I don't know what his problem is! Nothing I would ever normally put up with, but it is only 2 more weeks, and I have to work this weekend anyway, so I won't be home. But I have no where to go, because I don't fucking know anybody, so I either have to leave the house, and drive aimlessly, which see below, really doesn't work, or I hide in my room and read a book.

2. I have no money to buy groceries, and I don't want to buy groceries, because then I would have to move them all. But it sucks having nothing but old noodles and frozen juice to eat. Maybe a few granola bars here and there. That's it. I may have to cave in and go buy some frozen dinners. They are only $1 at the discount store.

3. My car, my baby, my bucket, is fucked. Not worth fixing. Leaks radiator coolant out of the head gaskets, leaks major oil, back shocks are shot, winshield wiper motor is toast, needs new tires, the starter is going (AGAIN!) and I think that's about it that they told me about. If I get it fixed, just the basics, it will be $600-$800. And it will be dead again before winter. Not worth the money. But it is an old car, 1985, Toyota (good that it lasted this long!) and it has 376,000 kms on it. (That's 233,000 miles or something like that for all those who use miles.) It is my baby. It has taken me everywhere, and although it has broken down before, it has never left me completely stranded in the middle of nowhere. But the point is that it is fucked. And I can't afford a replacement!

4. I am moving again! That means going through all of my stuff, packing it up, and writing down what is where. I have run out of boxes already, and each time I go to the grocery store to get more, someone has beat me to the good boxes. And I am not moving fucking 60 lb boxes. Not a chance in hell. I would rather move 15 million little boxes, but then what's the point? Might as well just start throwing shit in garbage bags. But I have to think about storage too, because most of this stuff is not getting unpacked, because I have to move again in January. ARG!!!!!

5. The people upstairs in our half of the duplex are either fighting or fucking all night every night! Normally I can sleep through anything, but with all the added stress in my life right now, it is not going well. I have taken to taking some nyquil before I go to bed, just to help me sleep, and it is never a good sleep. And it sucks. Because I have to try really hard to be nice during the day.

6. I am training a new girl at work. She is catching on really fast, and I am running out of things to teach her. We have been cleaning like crazy, and I am going out of my mind with boredom. Sounds like a good thing right? No. She is going for an interview tomorrow. At the college. She has been trying to get this job for 5 years, and they decide to interview her now. It pays better, and it is what she was doing at a different college before, so I don't blame her for going, but it means that the office might be left without a secretary. I know it is not my fault, and I have no control over it, but it makes me sick to think that no one will be here to do what I do. Or someone who has no freaking clue. Either one can lose clients and earn a business a bad name. And it puts way too much stress on my aunt. I know she is sick thinking about it.

7. I think the worst thing right now is that one of my nephews is sick. The youngest one. There is a picture of him in my January blog. He is such a sweet little boy. 8 months old, and always smiling. But he has a really bad lung infection, and they think it is RSV and asthma. He is on ventalin, and has to wear this breathing machine that he really hates, and he cries all the time, and he is so sick, and there is nothing I can do but pray. He is getting a little better, but my sister is so worried, she is making herself sick, and my mom is the same. It is so hard to not be able to be there for them for this. To babysit my other nephew to give her a break or whatever. Can't do anything.

Most of this stuff is minor. Things I could handle if it was the only one. One problem at a time please!!!!! I can't handle all this shit. I want to go to a grocery store, raid their ice cream stash, go home, lock all the doors, turn on some really loud music and eat myself to sleep, and not have to wake up until I am in the clear again.

I sort of left something else out too. Remember the guy who said he could not date me because I was too fat for him? He is fucking with my head now. He apologized for what he said (I don't believe him) and keeps phoning me. Asking me to do stuff. Coffee, movie, whatever. I keep saying no, because I am moving anyway, and I have too much other stress to deal with. I don't need some asshole who just wants some pussy. Which he would never get anyway! I don't need a fuck buddy. I need someone who actually likes me and wants to be with me, and is not just looking for sex. He should know by now that I am not that kind of girl!

But holy shit! It's just too much to take all at once. If I was the suicidal kind, and didn't have so much to live for, I think I would kill myself. I hate living like this. And I keep telling myself. Only 2 more weeks. Only 2 more weeks. Only 2 more weeks. But it is 2 weeks of HELL. Total and complete HELL. I wish there was something I could do about all this. But I don't think there is. I just have to suffer with it. But I really don't want to. I just want it all to be over.